Kaitlyn Week Four: Concrete Jungle Where Dreams Are Made...By Chris Harrison

A NEW DRAMATIC EPISODE! We really need a previously on The Bachelorette at the beginning here, I need a refresher on what's happening. So many points awarded in these first 10 minutes, all of which go toward last week's episode. Clint is "making some power moves" or, from Kaitlyn's POV, "about to go down in flames." I wish I could type "about" in a Canadian accent. 

Kaitlyn breaks up with Clint, and he's mostly just sad about having to leave JJ. 

Clint: "JJ...me and him have become best best best friends. Like we are very very very very close."

Kaitlyn: "You can't sit with us."

Music so ominous. I want to be friends with the score composer.

They go back to the party to announce that Clint is going home. Normally they send the unceremoniously rejected ones home without any parting goodbyes, but the producers clearly love us so they're fueling this fire. Upon hearing the news JJ starts crying, but then makes an unexpected move and he also breaks up with Clint! Holy crap so much bro-trayal happening. This breakup is no longer about Kaitlyn and the secret lovers take their spat out into the hallway (big points for this extreme verbal altercation).

Betrayal - bro betrayal - brotrayal?

JJ: "You don't know how much this hurts me."

Clint: "How dare you BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP. I was only half a virgin when I met you."

JJ: "I told you stuff I've never told anyone before."

Clint: "Hey that tie goes really good with your shirt. F*** you. BYE FELICIA." (Clearly they helped each other get dressed today)

The next few minutes become the JJ show. 

JJ to camera: "I will defend Clint to the day I die until Kaitlyn sends him home and I have to find a new house husband." 

He retreats to the moonlit balcony and sobs about losing Clint and actually gets in a physical altercation with himself! A punch to his own face followed by various curses. Props to the sound guys for JJ's well-placed collar mic. Really felt like I was right up in there for that hit. Punches are so rarely thrown on the show, so JJ definitely gets points for this self-mutilation. Pull yourself together, man.

Move on, dude.

Dun dun dunnnn rose ceremony cancelled! Roses for everyone!

We're already traveling now? Guess the budget is higher since they saved so much money on Chris' season staying in South Dakota the whole time. We're off to the Big Apple. 

The first group date is rap battling with "The World's Greatest Entertainer"...Doug E Fresh. Very disappointed it's not R Kelly. What does the E stand for? I hope it's something super nerdy like Earl or Eugene. 

Do all these white people in the crowd even know who Doug E Fresh is? They're cheering louder for Kaitlyn than they are for him. We see a blurry, foreboding shot of Nick V lurking in the back of the crowd with Ashley I the crazy slut virgin! I wonder if she's still a virgin. 

Okay some of these guys really pulled it out in the battles. Corey with an E finally has a personality. Shawn B is swoon worthy as always. Justin actually was dece too, minus the 90s butt-cut hairdo.

Drop the mic, boys...no seriously, drop it and never touch it again.

Nick V makes his grand entrance and asks if he can be on the show. They're making out within 30 seconds. She says maybe. Apparently they have undeniable chemistry. Good thing they've built such a solid foundation/7 tweets back and forth. The other guys get wind of the situation and are not happy about it. They bring up good questions about her not being confident in the options she already has (remember, they're still on the group date. awkwardddd).

Justin stands up to say to everyone that it's okay if Nick comes back. Such a power play to get the rose and it worked.

Back at the house, some intern puts them all on a couch to bro out and have a spontaneous chat about the drama. Obviously won't be promoted to junior producer, pull another couch over and don't make them same side! Amateur. But really there is so much Nick drama I can't even keep all these conversations straight anymore.

"I miss Tony." -Brittany Ross, Chicago Conference #2 

OMG Ashley S is back! But this is not the Ashley S we know and love. Can't decide if Old Ashley S was on drugs or if New Ashley S is... Either way she gives advice to Kaitlyn while pretending to do her hair. We know it's fake because Kaitlyn left the salon with a side braid.

Kaitlyn is in SUCH a difficult situation, with guys flying across the country trying to date her. I just can't identify with that problem. If I were the Bach-ette, here's how it would work. Everyone would get out of the limo and introduce themselves. After I meet everyone, I go into the house. They've all disappeared without a trace, except maybe one who doesn't know the difference between apart and a part.

The single life.

One-on-one date with...Jared the rodent/hawk with facial hair that's constantly askew. 

K is wearing special ABC-endorsed Neil Lane diamonds! Making an early appearance this season, usually we don't see him until the proposal.

Okay Jared looks semi-decent in his tux and in this lighting. They brought in a facial hair specialist to help him out. WHAT UGH CHRIS HARRISON GAVE THE FIRST HELICOPTER RIDE TO JARED?! Feeling betrayed by Our Lord and Savior. Jared gets a rose.

Group date on Broadway, promoting Aladdin this year instead of a new Disney film. It worked, because it subconsciously influenced our .gif selection.

According to Kaitlyn, Aladdin is the perfect love story. So basically she is looking for a street rat who lies about his identity so the girl will fall in love with him. Aladdin is not there for the right reasons.

These guys need to work on their jazz hands. 

The only thing we learn during this date is that Chris is a little bit tone deaf and a lotta bit gay. Somehow he scores the solo date. Joe and Ben H are adorably salty in the back row together. Chris and Kaitlyn perform stand silently in the show, he gets the rose and a lame kiss.

Kaitlyn: "That guy has heart and I think he would make a great husband for another man."

PS "having heart" is basically the kiss of death on this show. He won't last much longer.

WE DIDN'T EVEN GET ONE ROSE CEREMONY THIS WEEK THIS IS BS. I am livid. This is really screwing up our point system.

I feel personally victimized by ABC

You can check your standings here, though it's not totally up to date since The Process is all whack now. 

Will Nick V be accepted by The Bachelors? Will they revolt? Leave us your thoughts (and some love) in the comments. Feel free to share these posts too! Julie made it super easy for you with little icons down below. Also, we're on Twitter now. Follow us @RosesToRiches.

Love and Roses,

Elizabeth and Julie

League Commissioners