Kaitlyn Week Eight: Killjoys in Killarney

Welcome back to the Shawn B Anxiety Hour. The group is hanging out in Killarney, Ireland and Kaitlyn is still whining on about her overnight with Nick. Dude, Kaitlyn, your sleepover was like four days ago, which is MONTHS in Bachelorette time. It's time to move on.

Unforunately, we did not get to see what became of Cupcake at the end of his cliffside meltdown last episode. Let's hope he didn't jump.

Ben H gets a workout one-on-one date. He gets to row Kaitlyn around in a boat for probably hours. When Ben H gets exhausted but not too sweaty, the two get to roam around on a private island. Ben H sure knows how to play the Bach game. He is spewing out all of the Bachelorette key phrases and propaganda as if it just popped into his head naturally. His producers are looking on like proud parents as he tells Kaitlyn that she's wife material, he's falling for her, and he has fears about love. Someone memorized his lines on this week's script.

Kaitlyn freaks out for a hot sec because Ben wants to talk and not bone, meaning he MUST be a virgin because who the hell would want to ~*talk*~ to a future fiance...Kaitlyn, honey, Ben H went to IU. He's for sure not a virgin, and probably just had an STD cleared up right before filming. Go Hoosiers!

Next we have a group date with Shawn, Nick and Joe. Some producer convinced Kaitlyn thats it's a good idea to bone and tell, so now then entire date is about "will I, won't I?"

Joe starts to be all "I could kiss you forever, I'm ready for marriage, I LOVE YOU" and she's all "thank you...?" He then turns into a petulant child, starts to mope and continually uses the phrase "it's cool, just have fun." Unceremonious elimination for Joe with no consolation tears. One down, one more to go this week.

Side note: Shawn still refers to Nick exclusively as "the other guy." What a power move.

Shawn gets to spend the rest of the evening with Kaitlyn and he has no idea what misery is in store. His ego is about to get squashed like the grapes that made this wine. Kaitlyn drops the we-had-sex bomb, and you can see SUCH a dramatic change in Shawn's eyes. He is very clearly thinking of all the violent things he could do to "the other guy" in retaliation. Some producer talked him down and he's willing to suck it up and keep going in The Process. Good choice, kid.

At the cocktail party...PSYCH, cocktail party is canceled!

I love when they do this because all of the guys sweat like sinners in church. Shawn gets called first and chooses to be difficult by asking to talk to her before accepting the rose. They talk about nothing for a few seconds and he ends up staying.

Back to the action: She keeps Ben and Nick. Poor Dark Horse Jared gets the boot. This guy was a last round draft pick for all of us, and ends up being one of the hardest goodbyes of the show. The dude takes it like a champ and continues to be sweet even after the dumping. Heck, I've never had an ex offer me his coat for warmth mid-breakup. Jared, I wish I could give you, and your bad facial hair, a hug.

With the departure of Cupcake, Joe, and Jared, several teams have been knocked out of the game. Check your score here.

Since ABC cannot take any of our hints, we move on to week eight at the end of the episode.

Kaitlyn spends the day with Nick and they end up at yet another church. They talk to some Irish actors locals. Say all the crap you want about Nick or Kaitlyn, but the two actually seem like they fit well together and are having a good time. Their evening date is going all well 'n stuff, until Nick decides to seize the day and toss Shawn under the bus. Against all odds, playing dirty works for Nick (always has) and she eats it up. As is tradition, the two retire off to the fantasy suite and reenact her biggest drama inducing action of the season. Cue hotel door closing.

Once Nick returns to his own room the next day he gets a visit from his good buddy Shawn and ABC leaves us for the week with the promise of a cat fight next Monday. Leave a comment about how you see it playing out.

If you have men left in the league, kudos. If you don't, I recommend bringing extra wine next week. Don't forget, the league is based on points, so even if all your men are out, you could have a chance at placing.

Love and Roses,

Elizabeth and Julie
League Commissioners