Andi's Finale: The champagne didn't even pop.

Well, friends, all mediocre things must come to an end. And Andi's season has done just that. Last night, we watched with bated breath screamed at the TV as Andi chose her husband-to-be in a super dramatic finale. Not the most dramatic ending in Bachelor history, but it was dece.

Chris Harrison is hosting a live studio audience to watch the finale + ATFR. I would give anything to be there. Chris Harrison is my hero. We learn that someone’s gonna stalk Andi while she's on vacay in Mexico. Common sense says it's probably not Josh. If he doesn't win, he's just gonna go slay hoes in back in Atlanta, not continue to pine for Andi. Following Andi to Mehico is definitely a Nick V move, I mean he wrote her a book already. Does that mean Josh wins? Blech.

MEET THE PARENTS

Nick V meets the parents first and the producers cut right to the chase. They don’t waste any time here. Nick is acting super weird and nervous and Andi's parents probably think he has a social disorder. Meanwhile, Rob is picking apart every item of Nick V's ensemble. Man crush?

Nick asks Andi's dad, Hy, for permission to marry her. Hy says meh, fine. He talks about how he’s taking care of all the women in his family, enraging feminists all over the world. WOMEN ARE NOT PROPERTY blah blah blah yackety shmackety.

Josh’s turn. Andi introduces him as a former baseball player, setting him up for immediate skepticism from the entire family from the get go. Josh bumbles around awkwardly with the fam like a bull in a china shop and the dad thinks its hilarious. Hy is actually outside with the producers laughing at Josh. I like Hy. Halfway through the “date” Josh buttons another button on his shirt which was a minor improvement. He and Hy are matching. Josh also asks for Andi's hand in marriage and again Hy says meh, fine.

FINAL DATES

Andi and Josh go on a boat for some alone time with the entire 15-person crew. She talks about how smitten she is with Josh but wonders if it’s too good to be true. Knock knock, Andi, that’s common sense at the door. Apparently no one’s home. Josh sports some salmon pants, looks like Pantsapreneur gave everyone pants to keep up the product placement through the rest of the season.

Josh has a gift! He made her a FREAKING BASEBALL CARD. The “card epitomizes everything about our relationship” meaning it does not go beyond baseball. She calls him "beb" omg gross. The background music is supposed to make us like him. Not working.

Nick's date is a little boring. We talked through most of it honestly. He gets a STAAHHPPP for his gift. It’s a shell from the beach where he said I love you.

OMG ALL THE MONTAGES. Josh has a side tat? She talks about having mental connection with Nick but not with Josh. Duh. Now she’s wearing a negligee? She did not #wakeuplikethat. Oh, Josh also has under arm tats. Kewl.

Just before we cut to commercial, Andi goes off script and goes to Nick V's place unannounced, which can only mean one thing. Nick V is going home. NOOOOO! This is taking a *~*dRaMaTic*~* turn! The live studio audience is stricken with grief. Chris Harrison polls them to see what they think will happen.

"What do you think, will this end well for Nick? (doubt it)"

We get back to the plot and Andi goes to Nick's room? house? to break up with him. We know she's going to break up with him because she’s not wearing makeup in anticipation of tears. Andi makes The Face and tells Nick that "the feeling is not right" and that she doesn't want to overanalyze everything about their relationship. This line is complete bullshit because all she EVER does with Josh is analyze their relationship. I feel bad for Nick because Andi is clearly just a jersey chaser and he's finally realizing he never stood a chance. He even asks, "is it because of someone else?" As if there was some ~mystery~ dude that he just discovered was winning Andi over more than he was. Nick earned himself some tear points and some unceremonious elimination points. It's raining when she leaves, because, producers.

Back with the live studio audience, Farmer Chris is in the house!!!! Everyone cheers. Cody is trying really hard not to spill the beans about who's the next Bachelor (COUGHCOUGHchrisCOUGHCOUGH) and is doing a terrible job.

THE PROPOSAL

Josh ACTUALLY starts his proposal speech with, “When I decided to give up my first love, baseball...” OMG NO. DONE. GTFO. Josh does the Andi face a lot. She says yes, they say I love you, he accepts the final rose. They kiss a lot and clearly just want the producers to leave. Now they are engaged and will live *~happily ever after!~*

At this point, Jenna spilled her wine for the second time. I generously offered to take it off her hands to avoid more spillage. Wanna just pour that in my glass? K, thanks.

AFTER THE FINAL ROSE

We learn that Nick showed up at The Men Tell All episode but Andi didn't want to talk to him. This was apparently the second time he had tried to see her, so he had a note ready this time in case of rejection. Andi stares pensively at the letter. Does she read it?! We saw this letter during MTA episode but we didn't know who it was from. We should've known better, the note is multiple pages long. Obvi from Nick because Josh can’t write that much.

Nick has a lil therapy sesh with Chris Harrison tonight and doesn't say much, is awkward. Then the producers force Andi to talk to him, because we need some real drama here, people! Bet they didn't see this coming because Nick makes the most explicit reference to S-E-X ever in Bachelor history. Finally addressing the elephant in the Fantasy Suite. We learn that Nick takes S-E-X pretty seriously, like a completely reasonable human being. He refers to it as "fiancé stuff." Nick asks Andi, "If you weren't in love with me, why did you make love with me?" *cue astonished gasps and jaws on the floor from both the live studio audience and everyone in our living room*

Andi makes The Face during this whole "discussion" and pretty much blows it off saying, "The Fantasy Suite is private, durrr. Low blow, dude." But I have to say, I'm on Nick's side. If Andi knew all this about him, and then did all that "fiancé stuff" knowing he wasn't going to win, that's a little selfish I think. 

Anywayyyyy moving on. Best of luck to Nick. See u at Homeslice in Chitown maybz?

I hear their brunch is good.

Josh comes to hang out on the couch. Chris asks them if they've been having secret rendezvous (what's the plural of this? Rendezvouses? Corinne?) in Atlanta. Josh: "yeh fer sher." Andi: "We still haven't been on a real date (that's not paid for by ABC!)" Andi assures us that she's still not preggers, though Josh insists that HE'S TRYING!!!!! Ew, awk. 

Josh and Andi look annoyingly happy together, so I guess that's good for them. It's clear Andi needs to be the smarter person in the relationship, so she got what she wanted: a perfectly dumb former baseball player. Josh, how does it feel to be engaged to a NARP? Can't wait to watch their wedding. I'd put money on an over/under for number of ways baseball is incorporated into the theme. Best wishes, y'all.

Such a gracious winner.

The final tally of points is complete. Rob schooled League 1, followed distantly by Audrey and then Never Gonna Win Corinne. 

League 2 was much closer. Kelly maintained her lead over Katharine and came out on top by just 5 points. Team Shenna came in third. Woo! 

Well done to all players. You competed well, with very little sobriety or dignity. Just the way it should be.

It's been such a magical season! Thanks for participating in the League. Or just reading the blog (shout out to our fans, holla!) We're working on some major improvements during the off season and will keep you posted on our progress. In the meantime, any app developers out there, GET AT ME. 


Love and Roses,
Elizabeth and Julie
League Commissioners