Andi's Finale: The champagne didn't even pop.

Well, friends, all mediocre things must come to an end. And Andi's season has done just that. Last night, we watched with bated breath screamed at the TV as Andi chose her husband-to-be in a super dramatic finale. Not the most dramatic ending in Bachelor history, but it was dece.

Chris Harrison is hosting a live studio audience to watch the finale + ATFR. I would give anything to be there. Chris Harrison is my hero. We learn that someone’s gonna stalk Andi while she's on vacay in Mexico. Common sense says it's probably not Josh. If he doesn't win, he's just gonna go slay hoes in back in Atlanta, not continue to pine for Andi. Following Andi to Mehico is definitely a Nick V move, I mean he wrote her a book already. Does that mean Josh wins? Blech.

MEET THE PARENTS

Nick V meets the parents first and the producers cut right to the chase. They don’t waste any time here. Nick is acting super weird and nervous and Andi's parents probably think he has a social disorder. Meanwhile, Rob is picking apart every item of Nick V's ensemble. Man crush?

Nick asks Andi's dad, Hy, for permission to marry her. Hy says meh, fine. He talks about how he’s taking care of all the women in his family, enraging feminists all over the world. WOMEN ARE NOT PROPERTY blah blah blah yackety shmackety.

Josh’s turn. Andi introduces him as a former baseball player, setting him up for immediate skepticism from the entire family from the get go. Josh bumbles around awkwardly with the fam like a bull in a china shop and the dad thinks its hilarious. Hy is actually outside with the producers laughing at Josh. I like Hy. Halfway through the “date” Josh buttons another button on his shirt which was a minor improvement. He and Hy are matching. Josh also asks for Andi's hand in marriage and again Hy says meh, fine.

FINAL DATES

Andi and Josh go on a boat for some alone time with the entire 15-person crew. She talks about how smitten she is with Josh but wonders if it’s too good to be true. Knock knock, Andi, that’s common sense at the door. Apparently no one’s home. Josh sports some salmon pants, looks like Pantsapreneur gave everyone pants to keep up the product placement through the rest of the season.

Josh has a gift! He made her a FREAKING BASEBALL CARD. The “card epitomizes everything about our relationship” meaning it does not go beyond baseball. She calls him "beb" omg gross. The background music is supposed to make us like him. Not working.

Nick's date is a little boring. We talked through most of it honestly. He gets a STAAHHPPP for his gift. It’s a shell from the beach where he said I love you.

OMG ALL THE MONTAGES. Josh has a side tat? She talks about having mental connection with Nick but not with Josh. Duh. Now she’s wearing a negligee? She did not #wakeuplikethat. Oh, Josh also has under arm tats. Kewl.

Just before we cut to commercial, Andi goes off script and goes to Nick V's place unannounced, which can only mean one thing. Nick V is going home. NOOOOO! This is taking a *~*dRaMaTic*~* turn! The live studio audience is stricken with grief. Chris Harrison polls them to see what they think will happen.

"What do you think, will this end well for Nick? (doubt it)"

We get back to the plot and Andi goes to Nick's room? house? to break up with him. We know she's going to break up with him because she’s not wearing makeup in anticipation of tears. Andi makes The Face and tells Nick that "the feeling is not right" and that she doesn't want to overanalyze everything about their relationship. This line is complete bullshit because all she EVER does with Josh is analyze their relationship. I feel bad for Nick because Andi is clearly just a jersey chaser and he's finally realizing he never stood a chance. He even asks, "is it because of someone else?" As if there was some ~mystery~ dude that he just discovered was winning Andi over more than he was. Nick earned himself some tear points and some unceremonious elimination points. It's raining when she leaves, because, producers.

Back with the live studio audience, Farmer Chris is in the house!!!! Everyone cheers. Cody is trying really hard not to spill the beans about who's the next Bachelor (COUGHCOUGHchrisCOUGHCOUGH) and is doing a terrible job.

THE PROPOSAL

Josh ACTUALLY starts his proposal speech with, “When I decided to give up my first love, baseball...” OMG NO. DONE. GTFO. Josh does the Andi face a lot. She says yes, they say I love you, he accepts the final rose. They kiss a lot and clearly just want the producers to leave. Now they are engaged and will live *~happily ever after!~*

At this point, Jenna spilled her wine for the second time. I generously offered to take it off her hands to avoid more spillage. Wanna just pour that in my glass? K, thanks.

AFTER THE FINAL ROSE

We learn that Nick showed up at The Men Tell All episode but Andi didn't want to talk to him. This was apparently the second time he had tried to see her, so he had a note ready this time in case of rejection. Andi stares pensively at the letter. Does she read it?! We saw this letter during MTA episode but we didn't know who it was from. We should've known better, the note is multiple pages long. Obvi from Nick because Josh can’t write that much.

Nick has a lil therapy sesh with Chris Harrison tonight and doesn't say much, is awkward. Then the producers force Andi to talk to him, because we need some real drama here, people! Bet they didn't see this coming because Nick makes the most explicit reference to S-E-X ever in Bachelor history. Finally addressing the elephant in the Fantasy Suite. We learn that Nick takes S-E-X pretty seriously, like a completely reasonable human being. He refers to it as "fiancé stuff." Nick asks Andi, "If you weren't in love with me, why did you make love with me?" *cue astonished gasps and jaws on the floor from both the live studio audience and everyone in our living room*

Andi makes The Face during this whole "discussion" and pretty much blows it off saying, "The Fantasy Suite is private, durrr. Low blow, dude." But I have to say, I'm on Nick's side. If Andi knew all this about him, and then did all that "fiancé stuff" knowing he wasn't going to win, that's a little selfish I think. 

Anywayyyyy moving on. Best of luck to Nick. See u at Homeslice in Chitown maybz?

I hear their brunch is good.

Josh comes to hang out on the couch. Chris asks them if they've been having secret rendezvous (what's the plural of this? Rendezvouses? Corinne?) in Atlanta. Josh: "yeh fer sher." Andi: "We still haven't been on a real date (that's not paid for by ABC!)" Andi assures us that she's still not preggers, though Josh insists that HE'S TRYING!!!!! Ew, awk. 

Josh and Andi look annoyingly happy together, so I guess that's good for them. It's clear Andi needs to be the smarter person in the relationship, so she got what she wanted: a perfectly dumb former baseball player. Josh, how does it feel to be engaged to a NARP? Can't wait to watch their wedding. I'd put money on an over/under for number of ways baseball is incorporated into the theme. Best wishes, y'all.

Such a gracious winner.

The final tally of points is complete. Rob schooled League 1, followed distantly by Audrey and then Never Gonna Win Corinne. 

League 2 was much closer. Kelly maintained her lead over Katharine and came out on top by just 5 points. Team Shenna came in third. Woo! 

Well done to all players. You competed well, with very little sobriety or dignity. Just the way it should be.

It's been such a magical season! Thanks for participating in the League. Or just reading the blog (shout out to our fans, holla!) We're working on some major improvements during the off season and will keep you posted on our progress. In the meantime, any app developers out there, GET AT ME. 


Love and Roses,
Elizabeth and Julie
League Commissioners

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Andi Week Nine: BYOBC Fantasy Suites.

It's the moment Tom has been waiting for (according to Emily)...Fantasy Suites! Andi journals to pass the time in the Dominican Republic until her dates. I don’t journal. If I were the Bachelorette, would they force me to journal for b-roll purposes?

Andi reflects on the remaining bachelors...

Never in a million years. 

Josh M came out of the limo saying, "How YOU doin'??" How did we miss that? I definitely would've reconsidered drafting him. Maybe ABC was playing the happily-in-love soundtrack when he said it so we couldn't hear. Andi talks about feeling over-the-moon giddiness for Josh M. Newsflash: that’s called lust. Or sexual frustration. Tomato, tomato.

Andi says Josh is going to be a great father. A resounding "WHAT?!?!?" follows from the peanut gallery, so loud I bet Chris Harrison heard it from a lamer viewing party in LA. Conclusion: Andi is a jersey chaser.

Andi calls Chris sweet and funny, says he makes her laugh. This is basically the kiss of death for Chris because Andi is stupid.

Nick's recap, womp.

Nick gets the first date in the DR. They go on a helicopter ride over a strategically placed heart-shaped dark spot in the water. They kiss awkwardly with headphones. Then they spend the rest of the date on a private island. 

Practical Reason Numero Uno why I can never be on this show: I would get SO SUNBURNED. ABC would have to hire a special sunscreen intern for me which is the least sexy.

Andi eats on this date! She's eating CHIPS! In a bikini! Nick physically squirms around trying to say I love you. Andi cuts him off and suggests they go snorkeling. "I want to go snorkeling" is everyone's new Get Out of Awkward Free card.

During fake-dinner, Nick tells Andi that during his free time after hometowns, he did what any 33-year-old from the Midwest would do and wrote Andi a story. All the other 33-year-olds from the Midwest feel betrayed by this revelation. Nick's fairy tale for Andi was actually really cute and she loved it. Big drawback though: if Nick doesn’t win, he can’t do this book thing for his eventual wife. It’s a one and done move. 

Andi pulls out the "surprise" fantasy suite card. Nick rambles about how much he wants to go to the fantasy suite and how he's going to talk Andi's ear off. 

Andi: "So is that a really long way of saying yes?" Nick: "Yeah no I’m down."

On the way to the fantasy suite Nick rambles some more and finally blurts out I love you. Andi clings to his front pockets (this move works every time, amiright, ladies?) while Nick grabs her booty. This is for real, you guys. Nick sees her soul.

Josh M gets the next date, and Andi specifies that Santo Domingo is the capital of the DR so that everyone in America learns the capital of the DR.

Josh M gets drunk on mamajuana, which is the Dominican version of moonshine. It's pretty good, actually. They dance terribly in the town square with the band that ABC hired.

Andi takes Josh M to the Dominican Sandlot to play baseball. Again. OH MY GOD. Josh M seems surprised that Andi has realized that he likes baseball. He's like, "I'm so impressed that Andi paid attention to my one and only interest in life. Baseball is super important to me." HUGE SHOCKER, JOSH M. He speaks in Spanish to the kids and jersey chasers all over the world swoon as if he’s the first man to charm the pants off someone by speaking Spanish.

Josh M gets along really well with the Dominican kids. 1) Because he’s charming. 2) Because he is a child himself. They know he’s stupid/on their maturity level so they are cool with it.

Josh M talks about how NOT cocky he is. No one buys it, obviously, except Andi. He and Andi keep talking about some bullshit and he I CAN'T EVEN WRITE ABOUT THIS ANYMORE AHHHHH.

I’m gonna write some more.

Josh M says he and Andi can definitely work in the real world because they’ve gone through the wringer already. RIGHT. Going on magical dates in exotic locations on ABC’s dime. What about financial struggles, sickness, raising kids? THAT'S THE WRINGER, JOSH M. Eric the Explorer's death was your one chance at going through the wringer together but the producers made Andi do the Rose Ceremony instead. Can I kick Josh M off my team? I don't even want to be associated with him any more.

“I can def see you as my wife, fer sher.” #marriagematerial

Andi wonders, will her relationship with Josh M work without the glam of it all, aka in the fantasy suite? "Without the glam of it all," but with fireworks and in a suite filled with rose petals and champagne and candles by the pool? THIS IS THE TRUE TEST.

***In the middle of the episode, Corinne pulls out an issue of In Touch Magazine with Andi on the cover. According to this totally trustworthy media outlet, Andi is preggo. But who's the dad!? We obviously pause to discuss this breaking news. Looks like the fantasy suites went disastrously wrong. We also learn that the fantasy suite is BYO...BC. Duly noted.

Why is Andi first on this list?

Chris, the most legit contestant on the show ever, gets the last date. They ride horses. Andi wears booty shorts and sandals. What is this, amateur hour? Don't act surprised that you wore the wrong outfit, Andi, you planned this date. She curses like a sailor and starts to panic, which is the last thing you should do because horses can smell fear like babies around Julie. Chris eases her fear by telling her she looks good.

They play ghosts in the graveyard again and it’s adorable. They don’t roll in the hay but they should have. Not enough touching here. This is not going well. Later, Chris asks Andi where her gut is. She says she’s not really feeling it. She cries hysterically about not feeling it. Chris talks her through it but realizes it's over. Jenna observes, “He’s so great! Look at him communicating! It takes a true man to sit there and actually have a legit conversation about this.” Preach.

#foreveralone. I'll go to Iowa, happily.

In an unceremonious elimination (points!), Andi sends Chris home in the most mature breakup on the show ever. For Chris at least. He says, "I want your feelings to be for me. If they're not for me, I want to go home." HE'S SO NORMAL! He once again shows that he is a real man and deals with the situation like a grownup. Chris leaves sans drama and even sans tears, while Andi loses her shit and is an inane crybaby. 

Time for the weekly therapy session with Chris Harrison! Andi reminds us that The Process is 100% a two-way street. "The guys still have to accept the rose,” which is silly. These roses are default roses.

Josh is so sweaty and he’s wearing vans. Why aren't you wearing an undershirt? Isn't that the purpose of undershirts? To absorb the sweat before it shows through your actual shirt? Chris Harrison goes back to the car area to "fetch Chris" and then comes back empty-handed! Fake out! Chris is gone with no explanation. The dudes mentally punch the air in victory because they've made it to the end. Congratulations.

Julie is out! Chris was her last remaining Hot Thot, so she wins wine. Tom is also donezo. Points are up, standings haven't changed much thanks to Rob and Kelly. Next week is the Men Tell All episode! No points and probably no recap. Sorry to disappoint, I understand that this is the highlight of many people's Tuesdays. We'll be back in two weeks for the finale to see who Andi decides to spend the rest of her life the next few months with.

Love and Roses,
Elizabeth and Julie
League Commissioners

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Andi Week Eight: Welp.

These were the most uneventful hometown dates in the history of The Bachelor. Seriously. Where is the drama, ABC?? That's where all the points happen. Most of the points this season have been won because of man tears or verbal altercations defending Andi's honor. Which means these bros sometimes are actual good guys who have legitimate feelings. Like, why can't someone just have a crazy ex show up? Or be shamelessly promoting their business? Or have a double life with another family somewhere? Ugh. 

Nick V

First Andi goes to Milwaukee, for her date with Nick V. We really get to see Milwaukee in all its shining glory. Andi gets a cheese head and the river is brown. They go to a brewery which is something Andi has never done before…? They get a little tipsy-tips and do "The Wisconsin Dance." If there's one thing I know, it's that people from Wisconsin LOVE Wisconsin. This dance is SO Wisconsin. Andi and Nick V just jump around like crazy people. I like seeing Nick V like this in his natural habitat because he's so different. He's just a weird, regular ole Midwestern boy doing Midwestern things. It's cute. 

Oh hello there.

Nick has appx one million family members and ominous music plays as Andi meets them all. Nick V doesn't say I Love You to Andi, despite screams of encouragement from our living room. 

Chris

Over in Iowa, Chris looks WAY better in his farmer clothes than he does in scarves. While Andi is en route to Chris's house, Corinne wonders, “Is being a farmer code for 'still living at home with parents?'” We learn that it's quite the opposite. Chris owns his own beautiful home and is apparently super rich, according to his sisters. Chris is too modest to tell us himself. PEOPLE FROM IOWA ARE THE BEST, RIGHT, MOM?

Chris is a grown ass MAN driving his tractor. Andi sits on his lap to drive the tractor/ruin the crops. Did they choose the field that was in off season for this scene? Is off season a thing in farming? While on Chris' lap, Andi muses that “everything is massive about him,” which pretty much tells everything we wanted to know about Chris. Wink wink.

Andi tells Chris that he doesn't look like a farmer and Chris says, "thank you," throwing potentially hot farmers everywhere under the bus. Chris gets a little plane to fly by with a banner that says Chris Loves Andi. They play Ghosts in the Graveyard with the whole fam and Chris wins hometowns. 

Staaaahhhhppppp.

Josh M

To Tampa we go! Josh M all season: “Please don’t stereotype me as just a (former) baseball player!!! But I’m only going to ever talk to you about baseball and on our hometown date we’re gonna play baseball. K?"

They play baseball. Andi breaks the bat. HULK SMASH. Josh M gets to second base through his baseball glove.

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF THE GREAT BAMBINO JOSH M talk about something else. Like, seriously, I dare you. Talk about your current job, religion, politics, family, ANYTHING.

Josh’s family dinner date is the Aaron Murray show. Apparently we are supposed to know who this person is? I learned that he's an NFL player. Not a very good one though, heh. Guess mediocrity runs in the family. The Murray family can't accept that though and their lives revolve around Sunday football. Kill me. Andi sees this too and is not necessarily thrilled about it.

No picture for you, Josh M. 

Marcus

Marcus does his strip tease again. Alone, in a sketchy bar on a plastic bench. Nothing else to do in Dallas? Come on, Marcus. I expected better from you. We meet Marcus' questionably abusive mother and everyone has red eyes.

Marcus' sisters informs us that Marcus is a quick finisher. We knew this already because he's on Corinne's team. Andi admits that she’s not as in love with him as he is with her. Def worst hometown date, not just because of the strip tease.

Lol @ opera singer in background.

Marcus goes home, after a dramatic scene where they all learn about Explorer Eric's death. Really sad, nothing snarky to write here.

BONUS! To make up for the lack to wit in this episode and the subsequent note taking, I instead decided to fill out the application to be on the show. My wine bottle and I did this last night. There's a casting here in Chicago next week so we thought it would be funny. Seriously though, if anyone submits this without my permission, I will find you. And I will. end. you. (please use only my 5-15 most beautiful Instagram pictures.)

Here goes.

THE BACHELOR / BACHELORETTE GIRL QUESTIONNAIRE

Name: Elizabeth Anne Walsh
Do you have a nickname and where does it come from? Eliz. It comes from my name being too long for lazy people to write the whole thing out.
Address (Street, City, State, Zip Code) Are you stalking me?
What is the next big city near you and how far is it: Chicago. I'm in it.
Cell #: The people who need it already have it.
Work #: Ever heard of personal space, ABC?
Home #: LOL landlines.
Email: Please don't spam me.
Height: 5' 7"
Birth Date: 9/23/1989
Hair Color: Red. Is this going to be a problem? I've noticed a serious lack of redheads on this show in…all seasons. DISCRIMINATION!
Eye Color: Green, with occasional red/gold streaks, depending on the light
Weight: 1 pound. And I do solemnly swear to never take a bite of food while on the show.
Do you have a valid U.S. passport? Yes.
How did you hear about our search? From years of watching this show in disbelief of its candidates' stupidity. Then from 3 seasons of making a game out of them.
Have you ever applied for the show before? If so, when? The fact that this is even a question makes me laugh with sadness. How many repeat applicants does this show get? Or, better question, for the people who make it on the show, how many times have they applied?
Are you currently: ___Working Full Time ___Working Part Time ___Unemployed ____Student Working full time, like any self respecting human being (unless you're pursuing higher education. Mad props)

Occupation: Boozy Baker // Publicist
Annual salary: Dolla dolla bills, y'all
What is your highest level of education? Bachelors degree
Degree(s): BBA
School(s) Attended: University of Notre Dame
Are you a legal resident of the United States? Yes
If not, where are you a legal resident? n/a
Where were you born? Indianapolis, IN
Where did you grow up? DA SOUF. Memphis, TN to be specific
Do you have siblings? Yes How old are they? 23 and 20
Have you ever been arrested, charged or convicted of a crime of any type? Girl, please.
If so, please give details and dates: n/a
Have you ever had a temporary restraining order issued against someone or had one issued against you? These questions are laughable. No.
If so, please give details and dates: n/a
Have you ever filed for bankruptcy or chapter 11? No.
If yes, please explain. n/a
Have you ever auditioned for or been a performer, participant or contestant on a reality or other TV or radio show or in a film? No? Who are these people?!?!
If yes, please explain and give dates: n/a
Do you drink alcoholic beverages? Yes. Isn't that a requirement on this show?
What’s your favorite drink? All of them
Have you ever been married or engaged? No
If yes, how many times? Please list wedding date(s). n/a
If you have been married, why are you no longer together? n/a
List the date when such marriage(s) were legally dissolved: n/a
Do you have any children? None that I know of.
If yes, please list their names and ages and whether they live with you or not. I SAID I DON'T KNOW.
Are you genuinely looking to get married & why? Not to anyone on this show, but eventually, yes. BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE. Just kidding. I always wonder about people who say things like that, because I hear it and just think about how much I hate everyone.
Why would you want to find your spouse on our TV show? I don't. I think it's probably a good way to learn about yourself and force yourself to be vulnerable and express some feelings. Also you get to travel.

Side note: This questionnaire gives you the same amount of lines for every question. Just throwing that out there. I find that a little weird. Why don't they put more emphasis on the important questions? Do these questions really give that much insight to how contestants will fare in The Process?

Please describe your ideal mate in terms of physical attraction and in terms of personality attraction.
- Physical: Can carry me out of a burning building. Not hideous.
- Personality: Similar beliefs. Assertive, knows what he wants, goes after it. Easy conversation, good banter, lots of laughs. Confident. Family oriented (that one's for you, Julie).
How many serious relationships have you been in and how long were they? Just going to briefly skim the surface here…and go straight to a few of the more recent perps…
What happened to end those relationships?
- Guy #1. Found out he was married.
- Guy #2. He invited me to meet him at a bar where i then found him making out with another girl.
- Guy #3. He asked me to me his girlfriend and then vanished a week later. He may have died, I'll never know.
What are your hobbies and interests? Organizing the bachelorfantasy league. Making a mockery of other people's love lives. Baking with booze! Throwing bangin parties!
Do you have any pets? Do pet peeves count? If not, then no :(
Do you have any special talents? Tell us! Baking with booze! Throwing bangin parties! I can wiggle my ears!
Do you speak any languages besides English? Spanish.
List 3 adjectives that would surprise people about you: I don't like this question.
Do you have any tattoos? No no no.
If yes, what are they? And where are they located on your body?
What accomplishment are you most proud of? Starting my own small business, which I will shamelessly promote on the show.
What have you not found but would like to have in a relationship? I wonder how people on the show answer this. I'll go with My <3 "Prince Charming" <3 :)

And that's it. That's the application to be on The Bachelor. You also have to submit photos--full body and closeups of your face.

I was curious how the girl questionnaire differed from the guy questionnaire. So I checked it out. The guy questionnaire has two extra questions:
1. Do you think you are ready for marriage? They only ask the guys this because all girls are born ready for marriage, obviously.
2. Why do girls think you are an eligible bachelor? DYING to know what dudes put here. I'm family oriented. I'm the total package. I'm ready to settle down.^I bet you Josh M totally mentioned his brother in this answer.

Anyway, I think this ended up being longer than a regular blog recap. But it was too funny not to do. Points are up, check 'em out. Next week is FANTASY SUITES!

Love and Roses,
Elizabeth & Julie
League Commissioners

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Andi Week Seven: Muscles in Brussels

Welcome back, batches.
This week's episode did not disappoint. There were tears, verbal altercations, cringe-worthy "romance" moments, and many glasses of wine (from the contestants and from our living room viewing party). This episode is super important since next week is hometowns.

We meet up with the gang in Brussels, Belgium. Since we last saw them, the boys have taught Farmer Chris to wear a scarf. The rest of them wear hoodies, causing Elizabeth to let out quite the exasperated sigh.

Marcus gets the first one-on-one, so he and Andi wander aimlessly around Brussels for a few hours prior to the standard dinner. It's a good thing they snacked all day, because we all know how these people don't actually eat the delicious looking food on their dinner dates. No complaints here though, no dinner + plenty of wine = many tears. Anyway, recall how Marcus was the first to play the "I'm falling for you" card? Well he won't stop saying it this whole date. He only pauses his romantic mush to tell Andi and all of America about his dramatic, borderline-abusive mommy and daddy issues. Can't wait to meet your family, Marcus! Yikes.

After the date, Nick V makes a bold, stalker-esque move and sneaks up to Andi's hotel room by exploiting Belgium's trust. I sure hope any hotel I stay at doesn't just give out room keys to the first guy claiming to be my husband, but I digress. Andi is all about the late night meetup. The two (+ camera crew and production team) mosey outside, make out a little, and snuggle. Unfortunately, no 4am "swimming" this season. Andi is following our favorite dating philosophy: when in doubt, keep it in your pants.

The second one-on-one date goes to Jockstrap Josh M. They wander around some other town that hosts daily duck parades. Josh M continues to talk in circles all day and be super vague about his thoughts and "feelings" (those quotation marks are quite intentional). He continues to tell her to trust him, which we've all learned means DON'T TRUST HIM. He actually says the words, "I promise, I'm not too good to be true." WHICH OBVIOUSLY MEANS HE'S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. He finally tells Andi he's falling for her, so she lets the sketchiness slide and they snog some more. They have a generic private concert with a generic romantic pop song.

The group date includes Nick V, Farmer Chris, Coach Brian, and Downer Dylan. They go to a monastery that doesn't allow kissing on its premises, which means the producers were getting worried about having enough conversation footage to make the relationships look legit. She gets some time with each of the guys, but her conversation with Dylan is so boring that the producers don’t show us even one minute of it. They show the other three having a side broconvo instead of Andi's chat with Dylan. Why is he still there?

This is why Dylan isn't a front runner. Slicked back ponytail and light wash jeans. Come on man, step up your game. 

Andi chooses Nick V to spend a few more hours with, sending the other guys to go home, get wine drunk, and stew on their hatred for Nick. When he gets back, the boys all get in a little (staged) tussle. The producers sit them all down together, wipe off their merlot mouth and then say, "OKAY, FIGHT!" Nick, Brian, and Chris all earn verbal altercation points.

The rose ceremony concludes with Brian and Dylan being sent packing. Both shed some man tears, aka liquid points.

Rob leads Pool 1 while Never Gonna Win Corinne trails by 25 points. Several other teams still have 2 men, so don't start counting your roses yet.

Kelly leads Pool 2 followed closely by Katharine. Tom is no longer in last place (congrats!) and is now a whole 8 points ahead of Brad.

Check out the Standings and Rosters. All are welcome over for next week's Hometowns watch. We may even have the air conditioning on by then!

Love and Roses,
Julie and Elizabeth
League Commissioners

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