Some highlights from the night and a few brief profiles of our favorite Bachelorettes, based on our introduction note-taking.
Quite an array of professions this season, ranging from federal prosecutor, to first grade teacher, to free spirit, to dog lover. For the record, dog lover = unemployed and free spirit = trust fund baby.
Amy J wins the insane award. Crazy eyes. Crazy gimmick (was that massage considered sexual assault?). Saying "I'm coming for you, Juan Pablo" a little too often. It's a shame she was eliminated, the other girls would've called her crazy millions of times! So many points for that!
Lucy twirled a lot, wore flowers in her hair and left her shoes at home. She's the free spirit/trust fund baby if that wasn't clear. She can't be trusted but she'll be a gold mine of crazy points.
Valerie was the first girl to actually refer to her betch claws. She also is a pro at archery. She'll be getting some confrontation points for sure.
Sharleen was the only girl NOT fangirling and drooling over Juan Pablo, so of course she got the First Impression Rose. Because doesn't it always work that way? We all want the one person who couldn't give less of a bother. Oh, life.
Poor, poor Kylie. Eliminated in the most horrifying and embarrassing way possible. She was too drunk to listen properly for her own name and came forward for her rose when Juan Pablo called Kat. Awk city bitch, awk awk city bitch...
Cassandra said literally one word the entire night: her name. THAT INCLUDES HER INTRODUCTION TO JUAN PABLO. SHE JUST STOOD THERE LIKE A FREAKING MANNEQUIN. Last girl chosen for dodgeball and for any of our teams. "My only note next to her name was a sad face so I'll just take Amy L..." -Emily Wurz, during Round 8 of the draft.
Who am I missing? I drank a lot of wine. Write about your favorite Bach-ies in the comments.
Bach-ies...can that be a thing?
---------
Team selections and team names can be viewed in the previous post, and point categories are available in the post immediately prior. Team names will be updated but the information will not change and those posts will serve as a permanent point of reference throughout the season.
Point Standings from Week One in descending order:
17 Points - MC's McSluts
14 Points - J$'s Dime$
13 Points - Elizabeth's Slam Pieces
8 Points - Julie's Jezebels
8 Points - Cooney's Cunts
8 Points - Shannon
7 Points - Corinne's Circle of Bitches
7 Points - Corinne's Circle of Bitches
7 Points - Maggie
7 Points - Audrey's Fetch Betches
6 Points - Team Emily: My Bitches Get Roses
Love and Roses,
Elizabeth and Julie
League Organizers
 |
| Will you accept this rose? |
Unfortunately, you got my hilarious comment mixed up-- I had a sad face next to Amy J, the batshit crazy masseuse (is it a given that all masseuses are a tiny bit crazypants? No offense to any participant that is a masseuse). Thus, I drafted Cassandra. While, yes, she is incredibly awkward, her caption is always "Cassandra: Former NBA Player", meaning she is only defined by a job she no longer has. Meaning her heart is open for love and she is ready for a new caption that reads "Cassandra: Winner of The Bachelor: Juan Pablo"
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about that mixup. Blame it on the al-al-al-al-al-alcohol. I'm not changing it though because I think it's funny. Also, hilar about her profession, since Juan Pablo is only known as "Former Pro Soccer Player." Match made in heaven?? Maybe Cassandra is the dark horse this season.
Delete