Week Four Recap: Seoulmates in Seoul

Because the lack of booze was making things a little too normal i.e. boring, ABC took the show overseas in record time after just three weeks. Juan Pablo and the girls leave the comforts of SoCal and jet off to Seoul, South Korea. There's a good possibility very few of the Bach-ies don't actually understand that there are both North Korea and South Korea because they keep just saying OMG KOREA! Clare is really worried because she doesn't even have a kimono.

The first group date of the week involves K-Pop. The "POP" clue really threw the girls for a loop: Cassandra thought they might be eating popcorn so clearly Juan Pablo is attracted to her intelligence. Turns out they are performing with the girl group 2ne1 on a stage in the mall. They are all super excited to wear neon and dance with JP. If we can briefly recall, Nikki answered the bio question about favorite type of dancing with, "Is drunk dancing a type?" So, not sure why she didn't just pound a few shots and make her own party out of it. Kat is a major show off/possibly on drugs and legitimately expects to get the rose for having the physical skills required by the date activity. What is this, amateur hour? Everyone knows the girl with emotional struggles and/or no skills whatsoever is the one who gets the rose. Nikki wins the rose and now everyone hates her but she was just being herself.

Sharleen's one-on-one date is all kinds of awkward. The two Seoulmates explore the city, which means they have casual scheduled encounters with "local people." During the date Sharleen tries to flirt with Juan Pablo by telling him that he's not as bland as she originally thought. It's probably the most backhanded compliment ever, but Juan Pablo doesn't mind because Juan Pablo doesn't understand the word bland. At dinner she sings opera and Juan Pablo calls her "bella" which she doesn't understand. ALL THE LANGUAGE BARRIERS. They bond over having lived in another country and she halfway admits that she doesn't want children. She dances around those actual words and hopes it gets lost in translation so she and Juan Pablo can get back to assaulting each other with their mouths. Here is Sharleen's Bachelor journey, in photos:

First night

Seoulmates?

On the second group date, Clare is a clingy 13-year-old who turns eating one bite of octopus into the biggest deal in the world. Dog Lover (STILL HERE, WHY?) sees this ordeal as the perfect opportunity for some slut-shaming. "I KNOW you've swallowed bigger things than that before." Zing! Also alludes to the fact that her forced bite of octopus is the most Clare has eaten in two weeks. So there's that. Props to Alli for bringing some Midwest realness to the situation by pointing out that you can literally order octopus in any Italian restaurant in the city of Chicago. The date takes a turn for the weird when Lauren S asks Juan Pablo for a beso and he refuses. Maybe she should have used a whole sentence instead of creepily whispering "a kiss?" at him while they danced to no music.

Renee is awesome, per usual. She won't win but I'm rooting for her anyway.

Dog Lover is the star of the cocktail party, deliberately stirring the house drama pot and looking at everyone with her one and a half eyes. It's pretty clear she's there purely for our viewer entertainment. We know this because Juan Pablo whisked her away for a chat but the producers cut every second of that footage from the episode. She'll be gone soon, mark my words.

We said sad goodbyes to Lauren S and Elise. No shockers there at all, but the fact that Dog Lover is STILL HERE shows that Juan Pablo still has some fat-trimming to do. Looking forward to next week's vacay, to the beautiful, exotic, tropical paradise......................'Nam. Classic bait and switch. This should be entertaining.

We have our first team elimination! Maggie's last two Maids of Mischief were sent packing this week. As a reward for her remarkably unremarkable team, Maggie will win a bottle of wine. Appropriate.

Week Four standings, in descending order. Roster updates can be viewed here. Next week, Bach-ies who are not eliminated will earn 2 points instead of 1. This point value will increase by one for each remaining episode.

82 points - MC's McSluts

67 points - Elizabeth's Slam Pieces

51 points - Team Emily: My Bitches Get Roses

46 points - J$'s Dime$

46 points - Cooney's Cunts

43 points - Shannon's Slutty Senoritas

42 points - Audrey's Fetch Betches

36 points - Julie's Jezebels

35 points - Corinne's Circle of Bitches 

25 points - Maggie's Maids of Mischief

Will you assept dis rose?

Love and Roses,

Elizabeth and Julie
League Organizers