Alterate titles to this post:
- Whitney's Voice Forever. Forever ever? Forever EVER?!
- I Ain't Sayin' She A Gold Digger, But She Ain't Messin' With No Broke Farmer
- To Have and To Hold Until I Have To Go Harvest
- She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy
Well, folks, this season is over. Prince Farming has found his "princess" and half of our league lost their $15. The finale was pretty anticlimactic as far as Bachelor finales go. Let's get into the details, shall we?
Both ladies get the privilege of traveling to Iowa (again, yay?) to meet Chris' family. First up is Whitney. She makes a bunch of ridiculous speeches that make our ears bleed, but she cries a lot, so at least that voice is earning some of us points. Chris' sisters and mom really like her so she takes an early lead.
Becca goes into the lions' den and confirm her status as a rational thinker with her whole "no, I'm actually a normal human and don't fall in love with people immediately on TV." She's not head-over-heels. The fam's not impressed. Chris, on the other hand, basically say's she has it in the bag.
Fast forward to some evening in an actual municipality: Chris goes to see Becca in her hotel and is all "do you love me?" and she's all "dude, slow your roll." Meanwhile Julie is all "love is stupid" and the rest of the viewing party is all "shut up."
After Becca fails to express any real thoughts, Chris takes Whitney out on a date on a tractor, winning the first tractor ride points (Note: there was a tractor featured early on this season, but due to a movement technicality, it didn't count.)
They go back to Chris' house, where Whitney immediately starts to visualize where she will put the framed picture SHE ALREADY HAS OF THEM. Chris comments that the house has "room to grow" meaning let's pop out some babies now, shall we? There were some moreserious boring conversations but we were too busy taking jello shots to notice.
After all that non-drama, we get to the rose ceremony. The limos have to travel appx 90 minutes to get to this barn in the middle of nowhere, not counting the McDonald's stop 20 mins out because that's the only restaurant around. The setup is a pretty weird, like rustic chic on acid (although the stained glass was on point). The anticipation of who will get out first is killing me!!! WHO IS IT OMGGGGG.
Becca. Damnit.
She steps out of the limo in her super fab red velvet gown, Chris breaks up with her and she takes it like a champ. She saves face for the camera and doesn't shed a single tear. I acknowledge that people like her don't necessarily make for good TV and, as Julie points out, if everyone acted like she did we wouldn't have a league to speak of. But I applaud Becca for not having a hysterical breakdown on national television. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Emotions are the worst.
I'm making Julie write about Whitney now because I don't like her and it'll be too mean.
So Whitney steps out of the limo and gets her little hug and pep talk from Chris Harrison Our Lord and Savior. She's shaking like a chihuahua in the springtime and her eyes are bugging out in a similar fashion. Did she steal some substances from Ashley S? Whit reiterates the whole "I love you, we'd make awesome babies" schpiel for like a half hour. On this note, Chris drops to one knee and gives her the huge rock provided by a jeweler who we will not name drop (we'll reconsider if he pays us the same he pays ABC to get on the show every season.) Anyway, they get all lovey-dovey, sit on the barn ledge in their formal wear, and watch the midwestern sunset in below-freezing temperatures. True romance.
Our viewing party does one last cheers with Jello shots (thanks, Corinne's Aunt!) and tallies up points:
In Chicago Pool #1 Team Audrey, the Farmer's Floozies took first place. That team had BOTH Whitney and Becca. Props for good drafting. Second went to Julie's Jive Turkeys and third went to a former champion: MC's McSluts.
In Chicago Pool #2 Finally Gonna Win Corinne takes back the title of first place with her team Corinne & Chris' Corn-fed Cuties. Second place goes to Shannon's Boot Scootin' Biddies. It was a tight race and Shannon lost by only 2 points, despite being out of team members for weeks. Kyle's Threesome appropriately took third place.
In the Nashville Pool, Team Caitlin Bach of Cookies won by a landslide with 233 points. Second place went to Katharine's Kittenz. Rounding out the Nashville top 3 was Rachel's Blackout Bitches. Also in this league, we set a new record low. Team Emily: A Roll in the Hay brought disgrace to their GM with only 63 points. Maybe next season they can recover.
Now that this season's over, let's talk about next. What the hell, ABC? Chris Harrison announced last night that next season will feature...wait for it... TWO bachelorettes. Not only are they breaking the sacred cycle, they're letting bratty Britt get more screen time.
On a serious note, ABC is taking the sexism of the show to a whole new level. Before, it was acceptable because it's The Bachelor and it's cheesy and it's funny to watch people make a fool of themselves. It's not funny anymore. They took it too far. On a less serious note, this is totally going to wreak havoc on the structure of the league, which we do NOT appreciate. Throwing off our groove here, Chris Harrison.
It's been an excellent season, Bachies. Until next time...
Love & Roses
Julie and Elizabeth
Your LeagueCzars Commissioners
- Whitney's Voice Forever. Forever ever? Forever EVER?!
- I Ain't Sayin' She A Gold Digger, But She Ain't Messin' With No Broke Farmer
- To Have and To Hold Until I Have To Go Harvest
- She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy
Well, folks, this season is over. Prince Farming has found his "princess" and half of our league lost their $15. The finale was pretty anticlimactic as far as Bachelor finales go. Let's get into the details, shall we?
Both ladies get the privilege of traveling to Iowa (again, yay?) to meet Chris' family. First up is Whitney. She makes a bunch of ridiculous speeches that make our ears bleed, but she cries a lot, so at least that voice is earning some of us points. Chris' sisters and mom really like her so she takes an early lead.
Becca goes into the lions' den and confirm her status as a rational thinker with her whole "no, I'm actually a normal human and don't fall in love with people immediately on TV." She's not head-over-heels. The fam's not impressed. Chris, on the other hand, basically say's she has it in the bag.
Fast forward to some evening in an actual municipality: Chris goes to see Becca in her hotel and is all "do you love me?" and she's all "dude, slow your roll." Meanwhile Julie is all "love is stupid" and the rest of the viewing party is all "shut up."
After Becca fails to express any real thoughts, Chris takes Whitney out on a date on a tractor, winning the first tractor ride points (Note: there was a tractor featured early on this season, but due to a movement technicality, it didn't count.)
They go back to Chris' house, where Whitney immediately starts to visualize where she will put the framed picture SHE ALREADY HAS OF THEM. Chris comments that the house has "room to grow" meaning let's pop out some babies now, shall we? There were some more
After all that non-drama, we get to the rose ceremony. The limos have to travel appx 90 minutes to get to this barn in the middle of nowhere, not counting the McDonald's stop 20 mins out because that's the only restaurant around. The setup is a pretty weird, like rustic chic on acid (although the stained glass was on point). The anticipation of who will get out first is killing me!!! WHO IS IT OMGGGGG.
Becca. Damnit.
She steps out of the limo in her super fab red velvet gown, Chris breaks up with her and she takes it like a champ. She saves face for the camera and doesn't shed a single tear. I acknowledge that people like her don't necessarily make for good TV and, as Julie points out, if everyone acted like she did we wouldn't have a league to speak of. But I applaud Becca for not having a hysterical breakdown on national television. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Emotions are the worst.
I'm making Julie write about Whitney now because I don't like her and it'll be too mean.
So Whitney steps out of the limo and gets her little hug and pep talk from Chris Harrison Our Lord and Savior. She's shaking like a chihuahua in the springtime and her eyes are bugging out in a similar fashion. Did she steal some substances from Ashley S? Whit reiterates the whole "I love you, we'd make awesome babies" schpiel for like a half hour. On this note, Chris drops to one knee and gives her the huge rock provided by a jeweler who we will not name drop (we'll reconsider if he pays us the same he pays ABC to get on the show every season.) Anyway, they get all lovey-dovey, sit on the barn ledge in their formal wear, and watch the midwestern sunset in below-freezing temperatures. True romance.
Our viewing party does one last cheers with Jello shots (thanks, Corinne's Aunt!) and tallies up points:
In Chicago Pool #1 Team Audrey, the Farmer's Floozies took first place. That team had BOTH Whitney and Becca. Props for good drafting. Second went to Julie's Jive Turkeys and third went to a former champion: MC's McSluts.
In Chicago Pool #2 Finally Gonna Win Corinne takes back the title of first place with her team Corinne & Chris' Corn-fed Cuties. Second place goes to Shannon's Boot Scootin' Biddies. It was a tight race and Shannon lost by only 2 points, despite being out of team members for weeks. Kyle's Threesome appropriately took third place.
In the Nashville Pool, Team Caitlin Bach of Cookies won by a landslide with 233 points. Second place went to Katharine's Kittenz. Rounding out the Nashville top 3 was Rachel's Blackout Bitches. Also in this league, we set a new record low. Team Emily: A Roll in the Hay brought disgrace to their GM with only 63 points. Maybe next season they can recover.
Now that this season's over, let's talk about next. What the hell, ABC? Chris Harrison announced last night that next season will feature...wait for it... TWO bachelorettes. Not only are they breaking the sacred cycle, they're letting bratty Britt get more screen time.
On a serious note, ABC is taking the sexism of the show to a whole new level. Before, it was acceptable because it's The Bachelor and it's cheesy and it's funny to watch people make a fool of themselves. It's not funny anymore. They took it too far. On a less serious note, this is totally going to wreak havoc on the structure of the league, which we do NOT appreciate. Throwing off our groove here, Chris Harrison.
It's been an excellent season, Bachies. Until next time...
Love & Roses
Julie and Elizabeth
Your League