Andi Week Two: Balls to the Wall (literally, kind of)

Andi's Week Two: 

Forgive us: your league commissioners have been traveling for Memorial Day. We'll get our commissioning shit together eventually, promise.

Until then, we have a brief, albeit complete review of last night's episode.

ABC stabbed us in the heart this week by airing Eric's first date with Andi. Eric, who so unfortunately passed away after filming, scored the first helicopter ride (5pts) and stole our hearts. Eric and Andi spent some time on the beach, and later some time on the mountains, finally followed by a cozy evening with the ABC blankets in some producer's winter cottage (I'm assuming). Eric shared stories of his travels as we all mournfully swooned at his adorableness.

On a much happier note, the next date was a Magic Mike-style group date with plenty of naked, fabulous men. Funny, because I seem to remember little-miss-Andi freaking out because she had to get nakie for Juan Pablo. Her rationalization of this attitude adjustment is that the men are stripping for charity (just like the calendar last season). The group date men bare alllllll. The ABC censors worked overtime to blur out some quite inappropriate images.

MOST IMPORTANT NOTE: Dog Lover was back as a guest of Andi's for the show. Sharlene was there too, but DOG LOVER. Our favorite Bachelor contestant of all time.

SECOND MOST IMPORTANT NOTE: Craig got white-girl-wasted at the post-date cocktail party. His embarrassment raked in lotsa points for excessive drunkenness, as well as excessive skin when he and Nick S had their bro-dip in the pool.

Winner of the group date rose - Marcus. He shook his groove thang quite well, and managed to hold his liquor.

Third and final date of the episode was with Chris and it was hella cute.  She took this farm boy to the races at Santa Anita. ABC planted the cutest old couple in the box with them to "impulsively" share relationship advice. Chris won some hunk points (metaphorical points of course) in that bow tie and apparently impressed Andi. He earned himself a rose at dinner and........the first kiss.

Finally, we reach the cocktail party. Eric, Marcus and Chris are safe, leaving all of the other men to sweat it out in their formal wear. Except for Marquel, who sweated it out in a hot mess of a floral tie/plaid shirt/striped socks ensemble, and Carl, who wore a vest and looked like Clark Kent. Andi finally sent home drunkard Craig, fellow swimmer Nick S, and Carl (huge mistake).  She sent home hot Carl the firefighter and kept Tasos, Mullet-lamp Dude, and Buff Macklemore. Girlfriend. What were you thinking.

Points are up. We're still missing team names from many in both leagues, so send them our way when you are ready.

Next week is a huge two parter starting on Sunday night. Due to busy schedules and how expensive brie cheese is, we will likely be condensing our viewing of all 4 hours to Monday night. Expect the next point calculation on Tuesday. Hope you've enjoyed this #bedtimereading.

Love and Roses,
Julie and Elizabeth
League Commissioners

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Draft Night: Andi's Season

Welcome back, Bach-es.
It's our favorite time of the year, Bachelorette season! Don't get me wrong, the Bachelor is all well and good, but for some reason man-tears and excessive male ego crushing just makes my Mondays 10x better.

Regardless of your show preference, we can all get behind the wonderful return of the League. This season we have a whopping 14 league participants, including three males. More participants = more money and more brie, so check out this season's point categories, stock up on wine, and set your Monday night DVR.

Due to the high demand, we have broken up the league into two league pools. Each pool is made up of 7 teams of 10. First place in each pool wins $50, second place wins $25, third place wins $15, and each pool's loser get a cheap-o bottle of wine (we're talking two-buck-chuck, because that is all a loser deserves).

Now, on to the important stuff...
After last season's snoozefest/douchbaggery, we were all craving some classic Bachelorette ridiculousness, and ABC did not disappoint. While I'm still under the impression that Andi is way too smart to be fooled into drinking the Bachelorette kool-aid, she sure did a good job of convincing the audience that she is 100% in this "for love." You do you, girl.

The men this season are a nice mix of juiceheads, salesmen, and wedding planners. We saw plenty of gimmicky entrances, including Macklemore/SeanLowe pushing a limo up the driveway. Mullet dude brought a floor lamp with him because nothing says "I like you" like stolen goods. Some soccer player actually had the guts to bring up 'ole JP in casual conversation (bold move, bro).

After introductions and a few rounds of one-on-ones, ABC had a surprise for us. A mysterious man was at the front gate carrying roses and a heart full of love for Andi. Lo and behold, our mystery suitor was Chris P. from Emily's season and Bachelor Pad! Merry Christmas, viewers.  Turns out that since Bachelor Pad, our buddy Chris has become pathetic and lost all the producers' phone numbers. Apparently he had been in LA for 10 days just waiting to crash Andi's first night and vie for Andi's affection. Andi rejects him and Chris Harrison, feeling useful again, has to let Chris P. down easy.

The whole Chris P. sitch took some time away from the actual suitors, so unfortunately, we only got about 2 seconds of opera singing out of Michigan man.  Points-wise, this episode lacked in excitement.


Point Earning Highlights

Nick V. got the first impression rose earning him 5pts
Our two minorities both live to see another episode, earning 5pts each
She kept the wedding planner and tossed the helicopter pilot, like a chump

Team totals can be viewed here. Kelly's currently unnamed team is the only team still 10 for 10!  Good luck, competitors. This season is shaping up to be a tough one.



Love and Roses,

Julie and Elizabeth
League Commissioners

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