Week Six: The Squeeze

First of all, our sincerest apologies for the lack of Bach-tastic blogging last week. Contrary to popular belief, we do have lives outside of the Bachelor (jk, we were lazy)

On to the good stuff:
This week the ladies trotted down to New Zealand, the land of hobbits, volcanoes, and bratty tourists.  The festivities start with Andi's first one-on-one date featuring a speed boats and waterfalls. Props to Andi for being the one chick gutsy enough to wear a one piece bathing suit. Here at the Bachelor fantasy league, we applaud your fashion sense (this actually isn't sarcasm...I thought it was really cute).  After frolicking in the forest with whatever kind of horrid creatures were in that water, the pair enjoyed 10 seconds of dinner, followed by 10 minutes of complaining about the geyser they were sitting next to.  How romantic.

Next, on the group date, the gang spent quality time getting to know each other...while rolling down a hill in some kind of inflatable ball contraption. After the spin cycle was done, we cut to a cocktail party in a hobbit home on the set of Lord of the Rings. Since most of these girls have never read a book, the novelty of the location was lost on everyone except Sharleen. Naturally, our resident opera singer and nerd was geekin' out. JP is still trying to figure out what a hobbit is.

This group date happens to be Cassandra's 22nd birthday (yea, that's right, she's younger than us), and boy, did she get a great gift. ABC executed some classic bait-and-switch moments this week, and this one left all of our jaws dropping: JP and Cassandra had this great talk, and she was starting to show glimpses of an actual personality, and then he gives the rose to Nikki and disposes of Cassandra like a used tissue. The poor girl thought she was going outside for some kind of birthday wish, when instead she just got a swift boot to the behind. Very smooth, Juan Pablo. 

The good news is that points were plentiful. Nikki gave us the first "I'm falling for you" and Cassy got some hefty unceremonious elimination points. Peppered in there were other catch-phrases like future family discussions and date/life analogies. Hooray!

The third and final date of the week was a one-on-one with Crazy Eyes Clare. They spent the morning whining about what did or did not happen in the ocean last week, and then hung out in sweatpants...much like my typical Friday night. JP is still all about Clare and thinks she "has sumting verrrry sexy about her," so we'll see where this goes.  

This week Juan Pablo eliminated Kat (the one girl he had not yet kissed), which leaves 6 remaining contestants for his heart. Previews for next week are looking pretty spectacular and we can't wait to see a verbal altercation go down.

I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of miss Dog Lover and her slut shaming.


Week six standings, in descending order. Roster updates can be viewed here.

128 points - MC's McSluts

100 points - Elizabeth's Slam Pieces

 77 points - Cooney's Cunts

76 points - J$'s Dime$

70 points - Audrey's Fetch Betches

 67 points - Team Emily: My Bitches Get Roses

64 points - Julie's Jezebels

61 points - Shannon's Slutty Senoritas

54 points - Corinne's Circle of Bitches 

25 points - Maggie's Maids of Mischief

Will you assept dis rose?

Love and Roses,

Elizabeth and Julie
League Organizers