Nikki
Nikki hails from Kansas City and told us she wants to see how much of a cowboy Juan Pablo really is. First of all, are there really cowboys in Kansas City? No, really. I'm curious. That's one of the last places I'd look for a cowboy. Second of all, didn't Nikki watch JP on Desiree's season? He obviously is a cowboy because he dressed up like one when they snuck off from the group date to watch that crappy Disney movie together. But I digress.
Nikki took Juan Pablo to eat barbecue and then to ride a mechanical bull. Thinking about it now, she probably should have done those things the other way around. Being jerked around by a machine is probably the last thing JP wanted to do after gorging on subpar BBQ (sorry, I'm from Memphis...had to). But he seemed to enjoy himself while he was eating. Way to go, Nikki, playing the age-old move of winning a man over with food.
The pair then headed to Nikki's family's house, and Nikki confessed to the camera, her mother, and America that she's madly in love with Juan Pablo and really believes in this process. Those words have pretty much solidified her as the next Bachelorette if she loses. She chickened out didn't say the magic words to JP, but her parents overwhelmingly approved of Juan Pablo and Nikki's dad gave him the marriage blessing. Bless his heart.
Andi
The federal prosecutor brought Juan Pablo down south to Atlanta and took him immediately to the gun range. Classic. Props to Andi for actually being a decent shot and handling a massive firearm with ease while sporting an arm full of bangles and a giant watch. Girl's got skills. She further cemented her superiority by yelling "MISS!!!" after JP air balled his first shot.
At dinner, Andi's family expressed mild concern about the fact that Juan Pablo was dating multiple women, as if this was some sort of shock to them. Juan Pablo asked for approval and Andi's dad gave the most reasonable answer we've ever heard on the show (i.e. what I would expect from any normal father). JP can be welcomed into the family if and only if Andi is the ONLY woman for him. I mean...duh. Why haven't any of the other fathers said that before? Dads of future Bach-ies, take note.
Andi said she is close to starting to fall in love with Juan Pablo. Meaning she's miles behind Nikki. Pick up the pace, girl.
Renee
Sweet, sweet Renee. She's too good for this show. I forgot where she's from (Florida, maybe?) but she and Juan Pablo just hung out and watched her adorable son's baseball game/highlight reel. Seriously, the kid is a baller. She's wearing basically no makeup and she's totally the coolest mom ever. Juan Pablo is an idiot. Then he spends time with her parents while she puts her son to bed and they are basically the most precious family together already.
Renee tells her mom that she is in love with Juan Pablo. :( She chickens out when she has the chance to tell him. Overall, Renee is he best one, clearly. We also saw later that a bird dropped a whole sandwich on her head and she just laughed about it. SOMEONE JUST MARRY RENEE, DAMNIT. SHE DESERVES IT.
Clare
Last, and certainly least, Juan Pablo headed out to Sacramento to hang out with Clare and see where all her crazy came from (she didn't get there on her own...right, Nikki?). First they went to a pond where Clare showed some legitimate emotion, making all of us want to call our dads right away. Then they switched gears and C tossed Juan Pablo into a pond of estrogen at her house, introducing him to her mother and FIVE sisters. Good God.
Clare's sister Laura got oddly territorial over their mom, not allowing her to speak at all and then pouting just outside the camera view. Julie kindly pointed out that "that's what happens when you're the fat sister." We also learned that Clare's parents got engaged after three weeks of knowing each other, meaning Clare has been destined for this show since before she was even a tiny thought in her parents' minds. She told us that she would accept a proposal from JP in a heartbeat, but she did not specifically say that she was in love. We shall see.
When they were all gathered back in Miami, we collectively wondered whether any of the girls would throw out a Hail Mary "I Love You" in a last-ditch effort to get a rose and stick around. We were disappointed. Juan Pablo made the biggest mistake of his life and sent Renee home, keeping Andi, Clare and Nikki for fantasy suite dates. We've seen disastrous previews for these encounters so we expect nothing short of greatness. Luckily we only have to wait a few more hours before we get another dose of drama. FANTASY SUITES TONIGHT!
J-Money's Dime$ are now worth zero. Justice was holding on with just Renee but now she's down for the count. Though no one will be able to catch up with MC's McSluts, the gap is closing for second and third places. It'll be a tight finish.
Week eight standings, in descending order. Roster updates can be viewed here.
182 points - MC's McSluts
130 points - Elizabeth's Slam Pieces
108 points - Cooney's Cunts
106 points - Audrey's Fetch Betches
103 points - Julie's Jezebels
99 points - J$'s Dime$
103 points - Julie's Jezebels
81 points - Shannon's Slutty Senoritas
80 points - Corinne's Circle of Bitches
69 points - Team Emily: My Bitches Get Roses
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| Will you assept deez deuces? |
Way to throw me and my judgments under the bus...
ReplyDeleteI can't believe there is a federal prosecutor on this show. She better hope that none of her judges are reality television fans. Although my knowledge of this season comes solely from this blog, I want Clare to win. Her clear insanity is exactly what a child needs to grow up to be healthy, happy, and completely out of touch with reality.
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